Ever received an email that made your blood boil?

You know, the kind where you start typing a fiery response, fingers flying over the keyboard, heart racing?

I’ve been there too!

The shift to hybrid work has increased the use of emails and instant message, but it also opens the door to misunderstandings.

With some particularly challenging moments at work recently I’ve been trying to apply some Stoic philosophy to help me navigate these situations with a bit more grace.

The Stoic Wisdom of Remaining Objective

Marcus Aurelius, a Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher, often emphasised the importance of staying objective and not jumping to conclusions.

He believed that we should strive to see things as they are, without adding our own interpretations or emotions.

In the context of work, this means taking a step back when we receive a message that rubs us the wrong way.

It’s about resisting the urge to read between the lines or assume negative intent.

My Own “Trigger-Happy” Moments

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve misread the tone of an email or message.

I had a recent experience where one of my colleague’s sent a short reply that seemed really curt and dismissive.

I spent the next hour stewing over it, crafting what I thought was the perfect comeback.

But then I paused…

I took a deep breath and thought, “Maybe they’re just having a bad day.”

I ended up deleting the email and having a quick chat with them the next time I was in the office instead..

Turns out they were swamped with deadlines and were also dealing with a tricky HR issue.

Why Misunderstandings Happen

Most of us aren’t trained writers, and conveying tone through text is notoriously tricky.

In my case the short email from my colleague came across as overly direct and unfriendly.

But without vocal cues or facial expressions, it’s easy to misinterpret someone’s intentions.

Moreover, the detachment that comes with asynchronous communication often makes it easier for us to be more argumentative than we would be in person.

When we’re not face-to-face, we might type things we wouldn’t typically say aloud.

This can inadvertently escalate situations and lead to unnecessary tension.

Practical Steps to Stay Objective

So, how can we apply Stoic principles to our daily communications?

Here are a few things that have worked for me:

1. Pause Before Reacting

When you feel triggered by a message, step away from the keyboard.

Make yourself a cup of tea, take a few deep breaths, or walk around the room.

Giving yourself a moment can prevent an emotional response you’ll regret later.

2. Assume Positive Intent

Remind yourself that most people mean well.

They might be rushed, stressed, or simply not great at conveying tone in writing.

By assuming positive intent, you reduce the likelihood of unnecessary conflict.

3. Seek Clarification

If something isn’t clear or seems off, consider asking a polite question to clarify.

For example, “I wanted to make sure I understand your point—could you elaborate on this part?”

4. Improve Your Own Communication

Lead by example.

Be mindful of how you write your messages.

You can use use friendly language or even emojis if appropriate and be clear in your requests or responses.

And check you would be comfortable saying what you’re writing if you were talking face-to-face!

Embracing the Stoic Mindset

Applying Stoicism isn’t about suppressing your emotions; it’s about acknowledging them and choosing a rational response.

By remaining objective, we not only prevent misunderstandings but also foster better relationships with our colleagues.

And even if your first impression was correct and the email you received was genuinely rude or unprofessional, remember what Marcus Aurelius tells us:

“The best revenge is not to be like your enemy.”

By choosing not to respond in kind, you maintain your professionalism and integrity.

Have you had any experiences where stepping back helped prevent a misunderstanding?

Or perhaps you have your own strategies for handling tricky communications?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Feel free to share your experiences.

P.S. If you found this helpful, consider sharing it with friends, family, or colleagues who might appreciate it!