The Law of Attraction is instrumental in the search for love. The concept is fairly well known these days, especially since the release of the book and movie ’The Secret’.
An unfortunate side effect of this increasing popularity is a mass of videos and articles written by people who don’t really understand its core concepts.
This has lead a lot of people to think it's the same as wishful thinking.
They think that if they focus on the things they want, they will magically appear in their life… and when it doesn't happen they dismiss the Law of Attraction as a waste of time.
There is so much misinformation flying about on the internet these days, that I can’t really blame anyone who thinks like this. So in this article I’ll try to dispel some of the common myths around the Law of Attraction and show you how you can you use it to manifest love and relationships.
What the Law of Attraction is and How You Can Use It to Manifest Love
The biggest mistake I see people make when trying to apply the Law of Attraction is focussing on what they don’t have.
When they are trying to attract a partner, they might say to themselves “I'm so lonely, I really wish I had a loving partner” whilst this doesn't sound unreasonable this kind of thinking is based around lack.
And no matter how hard you focus you won’t attract anything positive with this kind of mindset.
The Law of Attraction is not about wishful thinking and complaining about what you don’t have in the hope it will finally come to you.
Stop Wishing, Start Getting
There is a subtle but important difference between focussing on what you want and focussing on ‘wanting' something.
When you focus on what you want, you are actually training your subconscious mind to look out for methods and opportunities to help you get it.
But when you focus on ‘wanting’ or wishing you had something, your brain is being trained to look for what you don’t have. This results in noticing a lack in every part of your life and this will not help you.
The Law of Attraction is not magic (even though some people out there want you to believe this). It works because it trains your subconscious mind to guide you in your actions. But you do have to actually take action to reach your goals.
You Have to Change Before Your Situation Can
The road to getting what you want is through reflection and personal development.
If this means you need to learn different ways to relate to people then that’s what you have to do.
For example maybe you need to talk less and listen more, perhaps you need to take the focus off of you and focus more on what a partner needs from you. To receive something different, you have to be a different person.
This is why a lot of people think the Law of Attraction doesn't work. They blame everyone and everything else for their situation but don’t look at themselves or examine how the way they think and what they do could be part of the problem.
They refuse to change and think they can keep doing the same things over and over again but get a different result just because they ‘ask the universe’ for it.
If this is what you are doing, it’s no wonder the Law of Attraction doesn't work for you.
How this affects relationships
Whilst not wanting to generalise, for the sake of simplicity we can categorise people who are looking for love into 2 distinct groups.
The first focusses on their own loneliness and sadness. These people have a difficult time attracting partners and if they do they are rarely ‘good’ partners.
Then there are those that seem strangely content with being single but oddly never seem to be short of offers for a date.
To use the Law of Attraction in manifesting love and (good) relationships, you need to be happy by yourself first.
The Power of surrender
Wanting something so intently leads you to focus on the fact that you don’t actually have it yet.
The more you do this the more desperately you want it. You focus on it and focus on it but it never seems to materialise.
The more you want it the further away it seems to get.
But as soon as you let it go and surrender, when you decide that you are fine without it, you suddenly start to get the thing you wanted all that time.
This is really common with people who feel lonely and desperately want a relationship. It’s constantly on their mind.
This not only trains their brain to focus on their lack of a relationship but it’s also very noticeable to other people and usually drives them away.
When they surrender and realise they are actually fine with being single, quite often someone will suddenly appear in their life.
Be Content to Be By Yourself First
How good you feel about yourself will ultimately determine the quality of any relationship you are in or any future relationships.
If you try to manifest relationships in a desperate, low self esteem state you might succeed despite yourself, but your relationship is unlikely to be a good one.
If you are not happy and content in yourself, you are more likely to attract a partner who isn’t good for you. Or if you are already in a relationship you may be unconsciously causing drama and driving them away.
How to Use The Law of Attraction for Love
Rather than focussing on loneliness and desperately hoping for a partner to magically appear, first look to fill any feeling of emptiness yourself.
Confident, happy people tend to attract other confident happy people, so the best way to manifest a good relationship is to be happy by yourself first.
Here are some ideas you can try that will help you to develop into the kind of person who can easily attract the right partner:
1. Be grateful for your current relationships
Cultivating a sense of gratitude can be difficult in our current society as we are often programmed to complain about everything that’s wrong.
Unfortunately this leads many people to simply accept certain problems as a ‘fact of life’ even though there are often simple solutions.
Being lonely is not a fact of life and is not something you simply have to accept.
You can change it by being grateful for what you already have and the relationships you enjoy in your life.
Even though it may be hard to see when you are feeling lonely, there are always things and people in your life to be grateful for.
If you have friends that you are close to or a loving family be grateful for them. Even cultivating a good relationship with yourself and being kinder to yourself is something you can be grateful for.
Take time out to relax and appreciate what you already have. Do something simple like reconnecting with nature.
Getting out into the natural environment and enjoying the animals, trees, plants, rivers and streams will help you feel more centred and remind you that you are (or can be) self-sufficient.
Being relaxed, confident and grateful will naturally attract people to you.
2. Stop looking for the perfect person
A lot of people are looking for their 'perfect partner' and have a long list of ‘must haves’. However, this is often a subconscious way to stop them getting hurt.
When they meet someone and they don't 'tick all the boxes' it's almost a confirmation of your belief that there is nobody out there for them.
Searching for the perfect mate closes off lots of connections to people that show up in your life.
You may not actually know what kind of person will make you happy so relax a bit and be open to trying new things and connecting with lots of different people.
Stop looking for things to be perfect and focus on being open and happy and this will send out signals that will attract others to you.
When going on a first date, check out these tips to make sure it goes well.
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3. Set your standards
Focussing on meeting the perfect person will close off new connections.
You do need to strike a balance and be sure not to settle for a partner that abuses or disrespects you.
Have the pride and courage to walk away if someone mistreats you, even if it means being alone again.
If this happens, view it as a test from the universe to see if you have the strength to politely and confidently refuse to accept bad treatment.
4. No fairytale ending
Attracting a partner doesn't mean that the relationship will be perfect or last forever.
You will attract someone who matches the person you are right now, but along the line you or your partner may change and the relationship may no longer fit.
Many relationships provide us with stepping stones in a journey of self improvement and learning. Many people view the end of a relationship as a failure but it’s not.
Viewed in the right way, it can be a positive step towards building self-reliance and a life that you truly love and are content with.
Let go of the need to create a relationship with a ‘happily ever after’ ending. This is something programmed into us from early childhood fairytales and exaggerated by popular media and movies... but it isn't reality.
Instead think deeply about what you want from a relationship. If you can do this without focussing on what you lack and you can visualise in detail what you want from a relationship then you can create your own unique story.
5. Use Visualisation
Visualisation techniques can help to prepare and build confidence for when you do meet someone and can also program your subconscious to be on the lookout for the right opportunities.
When you visualise your partner make it as detailed as vivid as you can. Imagine walking up to that person confidently and striking up a conversation.
First see yourself in the third person and notice how happy, relaxed and confident you appear. Then step inside yourself and see the same situation through you own eyes.
Make sure you really take time to notice and feel all the emotions of the situation.
Rehearsing this is your mind repeatedly will prepare you to be calm and relaxed when the situation actually arises.
6. Spread the word
Being too shy to admit you are looking for a relationship will seriously hamper your chances of finding a partner.
When you know you are ready make sure to let everyone you know. Send out the intention into the world so that it’s obvious what you are looking for.
If you do this in a confident way and you are specific about what you want, you are much more likely to meet some that you can invite into your life.
7. Build a great life others want to join
With so much negativity in the media, people who genuinely feel and express the joy of being alive are rare these days.
If you build a life that you love, then people will see that and will be curious to talk to you. This will naturally attract people to you. They will want to know what you do and how you think and this will help to attract a partner that is a good fit for you.
Building a life that that you love is one of the best strategies to naturally attract people. So start to build those foundations now and watch as other confident happy people start to flow into your life.
A word of warning!
Be careful not to do things just because you think it will attract a partner. Make sure it’s the life that you want to live, living a life on your terms as your authentic self is almost irresistible and is a magnet for others who live life the same way.
The Law of Attraction can help you to find love and improve your relationship if you focus on being happy by yourself and grateful for what you have already.
If you appreciate what you already have you can easily attract more good things to you.
If you are happy in yourself and by yourself and you build a life you love others will naturally be attracted to you and your lifestyle.
Focus on joy and gratitude and everything else will flow from that.